Tuesday, January 17, 2017

15 Weeks In...

It's quite funny really - in sorrow - I found a never-ending well of words. I sat down to write and words just flowed.  It has been fascinating to me how - in such deep joy - I am rendered speechless.  And yet, I feel this compulsion to record this whole thing, to record what God has done.  Perhaps it feels almost too sacred for words sometimes.  I don't know.
We set up the crib in the nursery last night. I am not sure I’ll ever forget that picture of Cole leaning over the side rail, still dressed in the clothes he’d worn to church, adjusting the mattress just right. His first fatherly task – tightening every bolt a little extra so as to ensure the safety of his child to come. Is crib-assembly just a rite of passage for dads-to-be?
We left the door to that room closed for so long. And now, with no heed for an electric bill now heating a room that is yet unused, we leave that door wide open and I pause almost every time I pass it – I can’t help but to smile.
My belly is bigger these days. I find most clothes to be ill-fitting and uncomfortable. When I roll over in bed, I can clearly feel that there has been growth. Though I still seem to be in the “did she just let herself go?” phase – looking more like I ate too much pizza last night, rather than carrying the baby for which we’ve prayed.
This week, the bones in the baby’s ears have nearly hardened, enabling our child to now hear.  (granted, quite muffled if anything) On Saturday morning as we lay in bed, Cole took full advantage of this newfound ability and – with his head fully under the covers – proceeded to yell at my stomach how much he loves his little one.
People like to tell us all their horror stories – both in pregnancy and birth. There is nothing that has yet been able to put a damper on our joy and anticipation. The other day, I watched a video montage of babies just minutes fresh into the world. I fought back tears the whole time thinking about how, Lord willing, we will have one too.

For so many years, I thought God’s answer to our prayers was “no.” Here we are, 15 weeks into this, and I still can’t believe his answer is, “now.”  To God be the glory.

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